Where have I been?

I’m going to cut to the chase. I’ve been MIA from the blogging scene since May and I don’t really have a reason as to why. I just know that I didn’t feel like blogging anymore. At the time, anyway—not even a monthly update post, which what I’m usually most excited for. I even missed my blog’s first anniversary on the 3rd of June. I lost the appeal to post and it sucked. And I didn’t know why at first.

What I’ve come to realise is this. My interest waned not because I wasn’t motivated, but because I’m putting too much pressure on myself on writing the ‘perfect’ post. I constantly doubted my English (I’ve had multiple people compliment on how good it is but I can’t get it through my head, for some reason) and whether or not everything was worded perfectly, if people were going to get what I was saying, etc. Not only that, I was all too aware of my inconsistencies with updates. My perfectionism was at its peak then; my mindset was if I was going to ‘half ass’ this blog, then why bother at all? No one can fault me if I, say, post nothing at all.

So that’s what I did.

I think it also has something to do with how much I’m worrying about my future. As you may or may not know, in a couple of months, I will be in my third and final year of university. That is a scary thought. My life in education is this close to being over. I have tasks, portfolios and dissertations to complete. And I just want everything I’ve done so far to be worth it, including this blog. This blog was born out of boredom and the intention to pour all my thoughts in one location—an outlet. But I realised that it was also another stepping stone to my future. People could take my writing a bit more seriously if they had proof. This blog is one of it. And I so badly want people to take me seriously, not only for my writing but also for what I have to say.

Rest assured, I have loads of ideas for upcoming posts. One thing I will promise myself is to stop beating myself up for not being the ‘perfect’ blogger. I don’t have to be consistent if it’s too much—I have the choice not to be and no one is expecting me to, anyway. I blog for myself—it’s how I started and I intend on continuing that way. And if there are people out there who want to share their thoughts in relation to mine, I’ll be extremely grateful.

If you’ve made it this far into my post, then thank you for reading! Enjoy the rest of your summer.

Until next time,
Dev.

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