My October was split in two. The first half was decent—did some things, travelled some places, had some fun. The second half was one emotional disaster after another. And I can pinpoint the exact moment it happened—not that it made anything better. Got better (kind of, and eventually had a modicum of fun, so don’t you worry too much. However, one of the good things that came out of the hellish rollercoaster weeks was that it shed some light on some things that I either wasn’t really aware of or just in denial about. And I’ve started to accept these things about myself now.
But I won’t go into detail just yet. Keep reading if you want to know what this mess is on about.
Something unexpected happened this month. You know how I sometimes write book reviews? Well, I’ve only gotten about three emails with people wanting me to review their books! (I got one last month, but I thought it was a one-time thing then). I am floored. Honestly, I’m not even a proper book blogger, but the fact that people think my reviews are worth something is honestly insane. Now I’m thinking that I should make a review policy or something. I don’t know, we’ll see.
I finally got my hands back on my DSLR—not that it went anywhere to begin with. It’s just sitting collecting dust in my shelf—and I finally got round to making another vlog. I wrote a more detail post about it here, my university posted about a vlogging challenge in which we talk about whatever aspect of university life and I took them up on it. And i’m not a university vlogger—which I’m still not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds exciting.
I’m also slowly returning to my photography roots. Granted, most of these were taken with my iPhone because I always have it on hand. What I’ve learnt from this is that I am truly, madly, deeply in love with Bath’s sunsets.
This is only a small handful of what I’ve taken so far—these are just the ones I’m proudest of. I’m planning to use these for my independent project for my creative writing course as well, in which I’m going to write short stories inspired by these pictures (I’m also going to write some inspired by songs because I don’t know how many pictures are going to be usable) and post them on a separate blog. I’m probably going to edit the pictures slightly for a dramatic touch, but that’s the gist of it.
I’ve also gotten into the habit of contouring.
Good progress, I must say. I like to think that I’ve improved in the eyebrow department as well.
I’ve also been going out and drinking more often. Don’t know what it says about me; I’m still lightweight as all hell. Some days I come out alive and perfectly sober—if not extremely lethargic—the next day. Other days, I vomit outside Boots and then stagger back home and sleep in ’til past noon.
You can say I’m a strong, independent adult who is capable of making good and wise decisions for herself.
I had a sleepover at my friend, Liv’s, place one time. ‘Twas fun. I caved and got Netflix and so movie marathons happened—and, boy, did we watch a lot of movies. From Anastasia, The Swan Princess (or ‘The Puddle Princess’ as Liv called it because they know how to read and observe. This movie spawned pretty much every inside joke we have), The Road to El Dorado, The Prince of Egypt (the parting or the Red Sea will never not be the coolest piece of animation known to man) and bootleg Hamilton (please forgive us, Lin). We also marathoned The Get Down and Stranger Things (whilst spewing every Hamilton reference known to man anytime we get the chance) and baked. This plate of cookies was all I had to account for this busy, busy weekend.
I helped out at the Bath Children’s Literature Festival. I don’t know what possessed me to do so, but I did. I honestly can’t remember much about it because I was slowly dying the whole time. On the bright side, I got to sneak into the author talks and learn a thing or two about their books and what inspired them to write and other things. You had to pay to actually get inside, but I got free access so that was quite cool. And also possibly against the rules.
I went for a run and somehow fucked up my knees. The internet told me to put ice on them so the swelling would slow down. But I didn’t have any, so I improvised with a bag of frozen vegetables.
I also went to Cardiff for the first time (the day after I fucked up my knees). It wasn’t for holiday or anything, just a long meeting/conference for this one uni organisation I’m a part of and can’t say much about because it’s supposed to be top secret hush hush (I say that, I’ve pretty much told everyone in my circle of friends). Granted, what was being discussed was actually super useful. I just can’t sit through meetings (or anything that involves sitting down and staring at someone talk in front of you) even if my life depended on it. I got lost about two hours in—the meeting lasted for six. Adulthood™ is fun.
Oh, and if you look closely into that circle, you can see that one of my co-workers? Co-conspirators? Co-person I work with in this organisation who is kind of my higher up because she’s been in this thing longer than I have but we’re also pretty much on the same level (catchy) wrote ‘Spa Spa Uni’ instead of ‘Bath Spa Uni’. The best part? She didn’t even realise she’d written that until I pointed it out. It was amazing.
And it was at this point where everything went to shit. Only for a week, in all fairness, but it was a pretty long, shit week. It was also the week I realised that I might be suffering from social anxiety.
Yeaaaah. I didn’t think I actually had it until second year started. I got involved in a lot of socials then. Got handed responsibilities I never thought I’d ever be offered. You’d think this would be the cause of it all, but I was alright because I’d mentally prepared myself for the stress. I saw it coming and I have an idea of what to expect. What I don’t do well is spur of the moment social things. It doesn’t help that I can’t be around too many people at once or people I’m not close to, either, especially if it’s sudden and unplanned. I spaz internally. Sometimes I don’t even speak at all. I need some kind of warning so that I can mentally prepare. It takes me about three days to fully recover from an exhausting period of socialising. Didn’t help that it happened pretty much on a daily basis so I wasn’t dealing well with that at all. Didn’t want to ruin anyone’s fun, though, so I just sucked it up and dealt with it. Safe to say that I was a colossal disaster the whole week. So now what I do, now that I’ve fully recovered and learned my lesson, is have my guard up all the time just in case anything like this happens again.
So far, results have been 50-50.
Anyway, enough about my anxiety. Back to slightly more exciting news. I went on my first ever bar crawl! I went with the LGBTQ+ society and a shit ton of queer folks from University of Bath. Did myself up and everything and got it all on camera because I had too much time on my hands.
I’ll be honest, I was genuinely terrified that I was going to have an awful time, especially since I’ve only just recovered from me being a social catastrophe. Also people in loud, rowdy social settings? Not something I like being a part of.
But life likes to prove me wrong. That night was honestly one of the best nights I’ve ever had in my life.
Long story short, we went to three bars: Revs, QueenShilling, and OMG! Revs was alright, QueenShilling was when I really let loose. By the time we got to OMG! I was a bit dead, so me and my friends (in the picture above) abandoned the club and went to go get pizza in the centre and talked about life and a whole bunch of other mishaps we’ve had in our nineteen years of being alive—somewhat.
I needed that. After the shitstorm I went through the past week, that was exactly what I needed. I know it sounds extremely contradictory for someone who’d just admitted to possibly having social anxiety to have the best night ever during a bar crawl, but life’s fucking weird. You just can’t explain some things so you might as well take it for what it is.
Lastly, I went to Liv’s halloween house party in which I showed up in a half-assed lumberjack costume, which was essentially a plaid shirt, jeans and boots (but I was wearing slip-on shoes, hence half-assed). Liv was dressed as a pimp—they joked that I was a sidehoe, to which I conceded. And as the party went on, I stole more and more of their costume and I basically got an upgrade. People loved it but were also understandably confused.
And by far the (second) best thing anyone’s ever said to me during a party—or just life in general, to be honest—is “you look like someone who would murder a man and be completely chill about it.”
No, you do not need context for this.
TREAT YO SELF!!
I may or may not have a slight obsession with liquid lipstick.
I’m a sucker for Pokémon-themed and punny tops. If you can’t read what my crop top says, it reads ‘SQUAD GHOULS’.
A Tribe Called Red – Angel Haze
Battle Cry (feat. Sia) – Angel Haze
Figlio della Luna – Mecano
Hallelujah – Pentatonix
Hellfire – Jonathan Young
Jeff’s Theme – Maxime Luft
Only My Railgun – Animenz
Ultimate Bollywood Mashup (feat. Shirley Setia) – Kurt Hugo Schneider
Who Do You Love – Marianas Trench (I’ve loved this song since it first came out last year, but it made the list because the music video for it came out recently and I cried because it was one of the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen in my life)
Things that made me happy (or laugh—or made me feel some kind of emotion)
I rediscovered Seth Everman’s videos when this showed up on my Facebook. I love this dude so much.
The ‘Google Translate Sings’ series gives me life. This is honestly one of their best yet. And Jonathan was a great addition.
If you’ve made it this far into my post, then thank you for reading! How did you find your October? Was it as spoopy as you hoped it’d be? Let me know in the comments and I’ll see you all in the month of Nope-ember.
Until next time,