I’m the kind of person who looks for meaning behind coincidences, no matter how stupid or insignificant they may be. Sometimes I even obsessively read into it like it’s some English Lit novel. It goes beyond typical zodiac post that I come across on Twitter and Tumblr (shameless plugs cough cough); this is real life I’m talking about. I’m not sure what started this nor do I understand exactly why I do it. My theory is that this is just my way of trying to understand my clusterf*** of a life a little better. It’s like one of those ‘connect the dots’ puzzles I used to do when I was younger: one dot always leads to another and voila! There’s the full picture. In that moment, it all becomes blindingly clear, and you then think to yourself, “OOHHH MY GOD, of course! How did I not see that coming?” Kind of like real life foreshadowing, you know?
The problem with the clusterf*** ‘connect the dots’ puzzle that is real life, however, is that there are way too many dots and not enough of them are numbered. I have no hints—the dots don’t even look like dots. The more I struggle to make connections, the less sense anything makes. I usually end up with my lines in a tangle and my mind a pile of rotting mush from trying to make sense of something that probably can’t be fully understood. But I do it, anyway, because somehow . . . maybe there is a meaning to it all. I’m convinced that there’s a meaning to it all. Like my pinned tweet, for example:
Two things you should know about me. Number one, I’ve always wanted to be an author. I don’t know if I want to be the best-selling kind or one that’s moderately known one or a ‘one-hit wonder’ (whatever its writerly counterpart may be), but what I do know is that this is how I want to leave my mark in this world. Number two, I am deathly afraid of the future. The future’s a surprise—and I hate surprises. I hate not knowing what’s coming or how I’m going to end up later in life and I’m scared. I’m scared to the point where I just freeze. All the functioning—my mind, mostly—in me stops working. So I distract myself, keep myself busy, to stop that from happening.
I’ve had my future read before. It wasn’t anything specific or serious, though. A friend of mine reads tarot cards and she offered to read mine. Or did I volunteer? I don’t remember. I don’t remember how the reading went or which cards I drew. I don’t fully understand how tarot reading works, either. I only remember drawing one card for this specific reading: the magician, upright (if it was reversed, it would have an entirely new meaning). I don’t recall exactly what my friend said, but it was something alone the lines of ‘the best card’ and ‘your future’s going to be great!’
According to the TarotWikipedia, this what The Magician means:
“Realising your potential.
Believing in yourself.
Using your talents.
Being in charge of your own destiny.
Being able to sell yourself, sell your ideas and sell a product.
Using old skills in a new field
I still think about that moment, even if I don’t fully remember it.
The tweet above could be nothing but mere coincidence, but based on what I like to think that the future has something good planned for me. I know it might be completely bonkers of me to think this way—I’ve thought that thought more than my fingers can count—but what if, just maybe, it was more than just a coincidence?
There’s more where that came from:
- The word ‘box’ is an inside joke between my friends and I. It’s a bit of a long story—I promise to tell it one of these days—but because of this, a lot of my personality revolves around that word. It was one of my many nicknames, all my usernames had that word incorporated into it. Fast forward a few years later, I subscribed to Grace Helbig, one of my favourite YouTubers of all time., Her original screen name was ‘GracieHInABox’. My online screen name, before I changed it to just my name, used to be ‘anyathebox’ (though, in some cases like my Tumblr, it’s still that).
- My old manager’s surname is Box. She’s one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met in my life.
- I go to Bath Spa University, but I nearly accepted an offer from my second choice, University of Gloucestershire. Two of my friends from university have had this same predicament.
- I have a friend from school—let’s call them A. And I have a friend from my university, B. B has a friend from college, I think, C (creative names, I know). I found out a couple of months after I became friends with B, that A and C go to the same university and are also friends with each other.
- I created a character for this story I was writing at the time. A few months later, I made a friend who had the exact same characteristics, physical and all.
- Lin-Manuel Miranda and I are both Slytherins. I’m sure there are other celebrities that are also fellow Slytherins, but this is Lin I’m talking about. I f***ing love Lin.
There are many more that have already slipped my mind. Others I deliberately left out because it’s too personal. But you get the gist. My mum used to say “do your best and God will do the rest.” I’m not that religious anymore, but I think that phrase has some merit to it. With a lot of hard work and prayer and praise (if you’re devout, that is) and possibly a pinch of luck, anything could happen. I can be supremely lazy at times, but when I have my mind set on something, you best believe that I’ll see it through to the very end—and I won’t stop until I’m completely satisfied. I may not know what this all means—could be something, could be nothing—but I guess I’m going to have to stick around to find out.
If you’ve made this far into my post, then thank you for reading! Do you think coincidences are just that or are they some kind of hints about your future? Leave a comment and let me know what you think!
Until next time,